


Captain Cool Dad

by orphan_account



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Gen, I wrote this kinda late at night so excuse any typos, moderate drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-11
Updated: 2015-07-11
Packaged: 2018-04-08 20:01:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4317993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Archer bent a few rules here and there regarding what could and couldn't be brought onto the ship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Captain Cool Dad

A lot of things were okay to do in moderation on Enterprise. Technically speaking, fraternization was against Star Fleet regulations. Technically speaking, as long as Archer never wrote up any of the signals he was picking up between crewmen, plausible deniability was still in place. Alcohol was supposed to have no place on a state of the art star ship but everyone knew that Archer had himself a small fridge in his office and while it was officially for bottled water, most of the senior crew knew it held something a little more amber colored.

A lot of things were okay by the captain but not by the rule book. He had his standards, harder drugs had no place on the ship, but if someone just so happened to pack a bottle of Andorian ale in their bag after an away mission, who's to say it wasn't some other non-alcoholic bright blue drink? To be totally honest, most of the crewmen thought of Archer as probably one of the coolest captain's they'd worked under.

Plenty of captains in Star Fleet let alcohol on their ships in small quantities, but captain Archer let some stuff a little more herbal “accidentally” get past him during bag checks.

“I didn't even know Romulans had weed,” Travis giggled.

“Yeah, they don't really seem like the species to cultivate a drug so relaxing,” Malcolm commented, his head lolling back onto the mess hall chair behind him.

“You know, I don't smoke very often,” Trip began. “But this is honestly some pretty good stuff for coming from a species who I'd thought would be really more of coke users.”

“You're right,” Hoshi blew out a smoke ring and wiped the hooka mouthpiece off on her shirt before handing it Malcolm. “We should maybe get some seeds or saplings of it for scientific purposes before we head back. I'm not even into botany and I want to know what's making this stuff tick.”

“You could probably just ask Phlox,” Travis smiled, messing with one of the zipper pockets on his jumpsuit.

“He's right, Phlox did have to clear it before it could come on with us,” Trip shrugged.

“Do you ever wonder if were the only people on the ship who smoke weed?” Malcolm asked.

“Of course not,” Hoshi took the pipe from him. “Do you think Archer would pay such little attention to us bringing it on the ship if we were the only ones?”

“It could just be because we're his senior staff,” Travis offered. “Should I go get a box of crackers from the galley?” The galley was only a few feet away but so far no one had really gotten up to get any snacks.

“Yeah, grab what you can that has lots of carbs,” Trip suggested.

“I'll see if there's any cheese puffs,” Travis said, making his way towards the door to the galley.

“Back to the point of this conversation,” Trip started. “Archer isn't really the kind of captain who let's his senior officers break rules just because they're his senior officers.”

“You're right...” Hoshi mumbled. “Maybe I could ask some of the other crewmen if we're alone or not.”

“What if we are and the captain's just sitting back and laughing about his 4 most senior officers being the only people on the ship who casually do drugs.” Malcolm mused.

“I don't know man, Ensign Johnson's uniform doesn't exactly smell like the inside of the ship and I can tell it's not his cologne...” Travis replied, stepping back into the mess hall carrying a box of soda crackers and a bottle of soda.

“You're right about that,” Trip snorted. “Hey what's in the bottle?”

“That from-concentrate grape soda that Chef mixes up for the junk food junkies,” Travis answered, handing his friend the plastic bottle. “I'm gonna grab cups.”

The drink in the bottle was a fairly common drink amongst the crew seeing as it was basically the only kind of soda available on the ship. It was a dark purple concoction that smelled sickly sweet and fruity but tasted nothing like actual grapes.

“Here ya go,” Travis started handing out the glasses he got from the mess hall cabinet and filling them up.

“Thank you so much,” Hoshi chuckled, quickly working her way through a stack of soda crackers. “I was getting hungry. Not just munchies, like real hunger.”

“You're welcome.” Travis beamed, taking a seat at the circle again.

“We might not be the only ones on this ship, but I think we might just be the largest consumers...” Trip mentioned. “I mean, we brought in a gallon sized zip-lock baggie full of it.”

“The size of the bag was understandable,” Malcolm replied. “That's 4 people's occasional habit for as long as it takes for us to get to the next shore leave area with that kind of culture.”

“You're right, but Phlox sure had himself a good laugh when he pulled it out of my pack...” Trip took a swig from his cup.

“What if someone walks in on us?” Hoshi inquired.

“That's not gonna happen!” Travis assured her. “It's late at night and it's basically everyone's night off. Remember what the captain said?” He puffed up his chest to mimic Archer. “You guys should take the night off since you just got back from a shore leave, there's a lot of fun stuff for you to tinker with.” He relaxed his back again. “Don't tell me that wasn't, “Go ahead of smoke 'em if you've got 'em,” in Captain Cool Dad,”

“Captain Cool Dad?” Hoshi nearly bust a gut laughing.

“Yeah, Captain Cool Dad,” Travis replied. “He basically treats us like he's our dad.”

“Oh my God, you're right,” Trip wheezed while Malcolm tried to wipe the soda off his chin that he'd spit up.

“Hey, do you guys smell anything funny coming from here? I think there might be a backed up air vent or-” Archer sniffed around a little before his eyes landed on 4 of his senior officers all seated around a small, digital vaporizer. The group's terror could not have been more intense.

“Oh... Well, um, I that explains it!” He gave the 4 officers a warm yet somewhat surprised smile. “Say, is that the Romulan herbal mix you guys picked up on our last shore leave?” Trip nodded, still in a state of shock. Archer stepped closer to the group and crouched down reaching his hand out to Malcolm for the hookah hose.

Most of them expected him to shut it down and give them a polite talking to about how he wanted them to be a little more reserved about their experimental drug use. Instead he brought the mouthpiece to his own lips and took a fairly large drag from the vaporizer. Trip went a little slack-jawed as their Captain sighed, blowing the vapor out his nose.

“Pretty strong stuff,” He chuckled, blinking a little to try to regain his composure. “I might have to go back there to get some for myself.” The four officers were still in shock. “What? Do you think that just because I'm a star ship captain I can't even enjoy myself when I'm off duty?” He gave them a warm smile. “Alright, have fun you guys. Enjoy the stars. Don't hurt yourselves. Don't get too high, but if you do, it's okay to go to Dr. Phlox, you won't get in trouble for it, trust me.” And with that he exited the mess hall and went to finish the walk with Porthos that he'd taken a detour from.

“Captain Cool Dad,” Trip whispered, sending the group into another peal of laughter.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked this, tell me what you think.


End file.
